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| humpty dumpty...the burning building...and some nails. |
| 03.31.04 (1:53 pm) [edit] |
man......last night's trivia sucked....or was it just us? we came in last place! It was all those dern sports questions. The guy, known to the 5 pieces of flair as Humpty, askes a lot of sports questions.....or quasi-sports related.....which pisses Star off....and me too...i have a decent knowledge of sports but he comes up with some crazy stuff! Well, word has gotten out that Star does not like Humpty's sports stuff...and he's been making some sly remarks about that lately.....heheh....i can't wait to see what happens nest. I wish i could have scanned her napkin art from a few weeks ago. It was quite graphic, yet hilarious.
Well, i dont have much to write about today. Don't forget to set your clocks forward this weekend. Spring forward!!!!! yay! Maybe Kim will let me do a blog while i'm up there in PA....live report..on the scene.
take care everyone!!
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| The House on Beaumont Street |
| 03.30.04 (1:30 pm) [edit] |
That address has a lot of special memories to a few of us UT martin folk. Sandra, her boyfriend/fiance/now husband Jason, Emily, and i all lived there for sometime. Emily preceeded me as a tenant there. It was a 2-bedroom house with a basement and a modest backyard. The 2nd bedroom could better be defined as a very large closet with unequal sides and a couple windows and its own tiny closet. Stuck on the ceiling were a bunch of plastic glow in the dark stars. i'm not sure which tenant put them up there, but they decided to leave them behind to bring joy and amazement to the room's future inhabitants. There are so many memories about that house..where do i begin?
I first was introduced to this house through my friend Candy. She was the current resident of the tiny room during spring and summer of 98. i ended up staying there more than in jackson where i was supposed to be staying that summer for an internship. But my best memories really started in spring of 99 when i took my turn as "the roomie".. Sandra would cook those good meals and that awesome sweet tea. I would play with smokey their mini-dachshund, and jason would lay around and talk about movies, tv, UT vols, emily and her goofy self, and many other interesting topics. I had a miserable job in mckenzie working at a furniture factory. Every evening when i got home i would go to the fridge and pull out a pop-ice. Each color indicated how bad my day was. BLUE--very bad...leave me alone...GREEN i shot my thumb with the nail gun only once but it didnt hurt that bad.......RED----it must be wednesday because this week is dragging along......ORANGE---ahhh....friday, i got off at 11:30!!! I dont remember what PINK and PURPLE were but i'm sure somewhere in the range of "if i have to make ONE mor eottoman i'm gonna puke!!!!"
Beaumont was host to many a celebration. Sometimes it was for someone's graduation. Once for a wedding. One really great one for halloween. And one, i cant remmeber what the reason was, but i ended up getting my toes painted by Emily...that's actually my first real memory of MLE....waking up to see her painting my toes pink.....i told her if she's gonna do it..gimme a manly color..metallic green i think. Sandra still has that picture stashed away for blackmail purposes i think. Each party would end with jason getting a picture taken of his Harem on the couch. All the girls would pile onto the couch with him in the center...say cheese!! (insert middle finger and goofy smirk here). I dont know much about the basement other than it smelled kinda funny, had a wet floor, and that's where the laundry machines were.
i remember when the time came to move out. Jason and Sandra got married and moved to clarksville and i was the last person in the house. All of the furniture was gone...trash was laying around in the corners...empty, autographed bottles still filled the cabinets. It felt like i was in some classic sitcom where one of the characters walks around and reminices about the good ole times of a home or hang out and hears the echos of all the people who once were there.....sandra complaining about someone she doesnt like on real world, jason yelling when some wrestler gets slammed to the mat on monday night RAW, smokey and all the other dogs barking at the door whenever someone knocks....the smell of spaghetti or pork chops....loud music blasting.....me doing dishes....ahhh...those were the days. when i packed my stuff up i left a few of those stars on the celing in that tiny bedroom......i wonder if they're still there?
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| I'm FLying!! I'm Flying!! |
| 03.29.04 (5:50 pm) [edit] |
Check out Star's monday blog. She put in a great piece from a book she's reading. I had to read it about 5 times before i could begin to understand what the author was describing. To me it seemed to be an analogy for love using the process of our environment's water cycle. As well as some "hints of limnetic imagery". The aquatic plants sensing the sunlight...striving to reach upwards to touch the sun(a lover's embrace). Also it kinda symbolizes how love can go from one form(liquid) into the air...condense up in the mountains...cool off...and precipitate down as rain onto the hills....trickle down the slope and back into the oasis once again. All the while remaining the same substance but in a different medium. It reminds me of taking that wild ride of being in love...falling in love.. The emotions swiftly changing from passion to gleeful smiles....to walking with your head in the clouds to a silent, still, peaceful breath erupting back into passion again...always being in love...just showing it different ways. If you read it just right and don't pause with the commas and periods it all runs together....each feeling and emotion and desire proceeding so quickly to the next that you have to skip the unimportant words to get to the ones that hold the meaning of the sentence all together and give it weight....how authors like that can put those kind of feelings into a poem like that and make it mean more than just words always amazes me....what a great ability...no..GIFT that is.
Emily, Nathan, and I went to see The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra this afternoon. All i can say is, if you don't go see this movie you are missing out on some very very funny stuff!!
So yeh, thursday morning i get to fly. it will be my first time. I've always wanted to...always knew i would......but each day that goes by i get more and more anxious....and a tad bit nervous. I am going on a trip up to PA to see Pinkybubblegum Kim and her roomie andy, and my grandmother as well. that's right amish country. I got to choose which seat i will have on my flights. i picked one next to the window on the right side, same one on each plane. i have to layover in chicago both ways. too bad i dont have more time to tour chicago. :(
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| move over Eminem |
| 03.27.04 (5:57 pm) [edit] |
I was listening to all things considered(should be called ALMOST all things considered) this afternoon waiting for garrison keillor's show to come on. I wish they hadn't considered this subject however. "Hick-Hop" Yeh, hillbillies and rednecks "communicating about the hardships of living the rough rural life through rap lyrics and musical beats....bubba sparxxx comes to mind. You can see some pictures and listen to some of the audio of their music and interviews here[http://www.npr.org/features/f...
The leader's name is Delivery but for a moment i thought it would be better to call him Deliverance. Delivery, speaking for himself and his posse "the kuntry killaz" said in his interview "We don't try to act black..." following that statement with the phrase "Ya now what i'm sayin?"
:roll: oh, the name of the town they live in is Whitesburg, KY by the way.
so i started wondering how far this whole hick-hop or "hill-hop" thing will go. I can hear it now, slide in the new kuntry killaz cd with a collaboration with "Lil John Deere" and Rappa-lachian gangsta co-op. it starts off something like this....Delivery starts announcing the posse..."yeh...this is D-liv'rance....wiff my boy Lil John Deere.... at which point LJD comes in yelling "WHUUUUT-TAH!?"......WHUUUUT_TAH!??.....AWWWWW-RAHTYYYYY!!"....AWWWWW-RAHTYYYYY!!"
"HEY Y'ALLLLLL!!" then they go into rappin' bout how it's like living in the hollers, mining tha coal and wearing the "blang blang" , riding with the combine's top down, DVD players on their 4 wheelers, and pimpin the cows.....hey "milkin ain't easy but it's necessary yo!
I'm out!
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| who dat smurf? |
| 03.26.04 (3:06 pm) [edit] |
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i mentioned tony or greg might be able to remember the smurf...but i better says that maybe some of the ladies too could remember the name. dont wanna be showing any favoritism in hyah! :lol:
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| kids these days |
| 03.26.04 (12:48 pm) [edit] |
I'm watching Call for Help on TechTv now. This 3rd grade class from St. Louis is calling in to the show with a webcam as well. The kids are interested in doing an online journal with password protection. Leo, the host, is teaching them about blogs and what all you can do on one. Their classroom looks like a computer lab. Computers at every seat with about 5 rows of tables. When i was in 3rd grade the closest i came to using a computer was playing this silly game on the old..OLD Apple computers in the library. The kind that used the 3 foot long by 4 foot wide floppy disk. The kind that was gas powered with a green screen monitor that took awhile to warm up. Things sure have changed since then. I remember being in 2nd and 3rd grade hanging out with my friends on the playground. We used to pretend to be various characters from Transformers. John was the tallest kid in our group so he was Optimus Prime, Jason was the police car Prowl, Brad was the VW bug Bumblebee, and i was Brawn, the strongest of the autobots but i cant remember what kind of vehicle he was....somekind of hatchback looking car i think. So we would pretend there was trouble over at the monkey bars and someone needed rescuing.. That's when John would say "transformers....transform!" At that point we would all make the best transformer "transforming" sound effect with our mouths while flailing our arms and kicking our legs and hunching our backs into some kind of car shape......i had aced the technuique and actually drew some schematics on proper transforming for 8 year olds..but they never got published in any 3rd grade science journals...oh well.....so we would run over to the monkey bars and save angela dortch(the hottest girl in our class) against her will sometimes, then after celebrating our triumph over Megatron and his evil henchmen we would go to lunch and consume Energon cubes and prepare for our next world saving battle.
the other night at trivia there was a round where we listened to parts of TV show tunes. One of them was The Smurfs! I can remember back in 2nd grade when the smurfs first came out....that was THE show to watch on saturday mornings. Nobody dared to miss an episode. If there were such things as blogs back then i believe i would have been blogging every weekend about what happened on that week's show. so, the other night we couldnt come up with the name of the smruf that would always have the practical joke gift boxes with the bow ribbon on top.....when a smurf opened them it would go KABLOOEY!..leaving said smurf with a burnt blackened face. But what is that practical joke smurf's name? i think it was "jokey smurf" or was it happy smurf? I' m sure tony or greg could remember. but yeh, the smurfs, man....that was THE show....but that winter we had a tremendous amount of snow and used all of our snow days up. In order to stay on track our school had to make up a couple days by going on saturday. NOOOOOOO!!! we'll miss the smurfs!! arrrggghh!!! "It'll be ok matt,." said Angel Dortch(the hottest girl in the whole wide world) "you can just tape it on your vcr. "What's a VCR?" i asked......turns out the VCR companies and Hannah Barbera came up with a brilliant scheme to combine the smurfs and video tape technology and conquer the world!!
but alas, vcr's were quite expensive back then and i didnt have one....i tell you blog readers..those were the 2 most difficult saturdays i have ever had to endure.
kids these days....they have it so easy. Tivo, DVD recorders, computers at every desk, blogs, google, floaty-man, different colored ketchup, and spongbob.....but they'll never have the true transformers and the smurfs!!
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| fit 4: need vs. want |
| 03.25.04 (3:28 pm) [edit] |
Lastnightdriver seems to think that i or maybe just anyone in general cannot be or feel fulfilled unless they marry and have a mate to share all of their passions and expereinces with. Personal fulfillment, to me, is different for everyone. I'm quite certain that having a mate to walk through life with is an amazing, unmatchable blessing. I see myself having someone like that oneday. But as of right now i do not want or need that to be happy. Does that mean i dont want to date? No, i actually enjoy dating, meeting new people, being social, and enjoy sharing my time, ideas, hobbies, and even love with someone i'm dating. But i really dont think there's an "empty void" inside of me that yearns to find and have my soulmate. I would consider that part of the heart a "reservoir"...a place set aside for when the time is right.
Needing something and wanting it can be very different sometimes....and othertimes very similar. I "need" insurance....i "need" a drivers license"...i need food and water and air. I need to pay my bills...i need a job.
i "want" financial security...i want a better vehicle...i "want" to travel someday......i "want" to be happy.
for some people, wanting to be happy means they need a mate. to get a better vehicle they need financial security.
i dont feel that it's our obligation to find a mate just because that's what everyone else has done for thousands of years. i think if someone decides to get married based on the idea that they are getting older and everyone else has done it they are doing it for the wrong reason.
the weather is finally feeling like bonafide spring weather!
i can start wearing my sandals and t shirts and shorts. my sandal tan lione on my feet needs to be re-established.
i might skip over the 5th fit since this is becooming depressing and more diffucult to continue...and besides..this is supposed to be a humorous blog!!
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| fit 2.5: what i meant to say |
| 03.24.04 (8:35 pm) [edit] |
just thought i would go a little deeper with what i talked about earlier. About why some people keep the bad and painful memories. I am specifically talking about those who hold onto them as if they thrive on self pity. I hold onto some bad memories and emotions as well. But i remember them so i can better myself....not make the same mistakes....and know what it's like to hurt so i cant write about it in a blog....all week.....i dont let the bad times keep me from moving on. and i dont wallow in my pain. besides, along with tthe bad experiences there are good times and memories attached to them. i would definitely not want to lose those good memories.
sorry for that. just thought i needed to make that clear. like i said, i wasnt too happy with yesterday's blog...i was up late and sleepy.
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| Fit 3: It Ain't All That Bad |
| 03.24.04 (3:04 pm) [edit] |
Ok, Who is Minx? The curiosity is getting to me now. It's somoene who knows me....buti who!?!?! grrr.... i hate mysteries.
Being single isnt always bad. For the most part i've done it ever since i moved to memphis. i can go do whatever i want, whenever i want to do it. I can stay up late with the TV on or listen to my cd's without worrying about waking someone up.
I don't have to be dragged to the mall to get one thing but take the long winding route through 18 other stores to get to the one item she wants. I can leave the toilet seat up and drink out of the milk jug and leave my dirty clothes around without anyone complaining.....hence the high stuff tolerance abilities i possess.
but it can get quiet here, even with the tv and cd's going. There's no one here to share my daily stories with. No one here to cook for or with. No one to lounge on the couch with and talk about random thoughts. No one to cuddle with while watching her chick flick(bonus points). Those are the things i see as cons for beng single.....if you were to ask my aunts,grandmothers, or mother the only con is i havent provided any grandchildren,neices and nephews. i am the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family. My cousin Brian(my best buddy in the world) has a son now reaching the age of 2 years old. So the pressure is on me, the leader, to settle down and start satisfying that ancient maternal desire of the women in my family to have grandchildren to babysit. Maybe there is someone out there for everyone. I just hope i find her(or she finds me) before my grandmothers do. I am going up to PA next week to visit some friends and my grandmother. She lives in bigtime Amish country. I hope she doesnt start pimping off the neighbors' milkmaids...."Ya, Ezekiel hath a handsome daughter of good age and healthy birthing hips, matthew, you should see how well she doth plow the field with quickness. And she doth not mouth off one bit!!"
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| doom on you!!! |
| 03.24.04 (7:24 am) [edit] |
TREACHERY~DECIET~LIES!!!
TRICKSIE-FALSE!!......STUPID HOBBITSES!! TRICKED ME INTO POSTING PAM'S MAKEBELIEVE BLOG..
ok pam....stay in the light...dont join the dark side.
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| it never fails |
| 03.23.04 (11:37 pm) [edit] |
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grrrr....after all the work i did on that backup blog i clicked on starrybloggy link and BOOM! it came up right away....sheesh.
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| Fit 2: patience and drama |
| 03.23.04 (11:20 pm) [edit] |
first of all, check out my friend Pam's blog. she is the last addition to what i am calling "the dark side." All 3 factors of the fairfax trio are blogging now.
Well, i was going to expound on some of the good points Star made in her pros and cons blog, but the site has been POO all day and i dont want to do anything without re-reading it all again and gathering some thoughts. SO....i have decided to go into a couple other things that can either get in the way of what we want or help us work toward catching our dream.
Patience. Not always an easy thing to have. Driving in memphis tests mine each day. But traffic is one thing; what about love? This is a hard thing for me to explain. I was raised in a family in which my dad and grandad would take me fishing and hunting. 2 of the most important things i learned from them was 1.) you need to be quiet and observant. and 2.) you have to be patient.
I've taken those 2 leasons and applied them to the rest of my life...even in the realm of relationships...or the wanting thereof. I've heard so often that it's better to not look for something and you will find it when you least expect it. Case in point i found my eyedrops yesterday inside one of my shoes that i took home a couple weeks ago. But i doubt i will find that perfect someone in my shoe....at least for her sake i hope not. What i'm trying to say here is no matter how bad we want that one thing in our lives, there's very little reason for us to worry about getting it now. That job promotion, that new house, that one guy or girl who will change our lives forever and make us complete......they will come when it's time. There's still a lot to do in our life right now. Let's not waste it away being sad because we cant have the final piece of the puzzle right now. You never know who is watching you ...looking to you for inspiration or encouragement. Showing patience with your friends is one of the best ways you can show you care for them.
Now....drama. A buzz word in today's culture. I've never had room in my life for drama. The only place drama had in my life was my senior year in high school..drama club. Some people seem to have a need for antagonism in their relationships..personal and friendships alike. it's almost as if they thrive on having something stressful follow them around in their head....something they can complain about to their friends. Patience does not go well with drama...like oil and water. Why cant people put bad experiences behind them, learn from them, and move on. The longer you keep those painful feelings inside you the longer it keeps you from moving on to better things. But maybe some people want to live through the pain and hold onto it. I guess that could be a want. too. i just dont get it though. If something has hurt you so bad why keep it?
i hope i havent seemed too blunt or disrespectful. i look at things like this in black and white a lot of the time. im a pretty practical and realistic person.
well i'm not too happy with my blog tonight but it's the best i can do. i promise to do better tomorrow.
hmmm....a cardinal is singing outside my window. "prettyboy prettyboy prettyboy..boy boy boy" seems like im not the only one awake this late.
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| Hunting for Happiness: An Agony in 5 Fits |
| 03.22.04 (9:31 pm) [edit] |
The title is inspired from a lesser known Lewis Carroll story called The Hunting of the Snark, An Agony in 8 Fits. a fit is something like a chapter in poetry terms i think.
The inspiration for the topic of this title has been mostly inspired by several things that have coincided in my conversations with friends in the last 12 hours as well as a few things i got a chance to think about a couple weekends ago while i was out on the lake. Today i was talking to Kim's sister-in law, Carrie,about a new house that she wants. I was also talking to Kim about what she wants in life. I shared with her what i want now in my life to bring me happiness. Then later tonight my buddy Ashley Moore calls me and makes the remark that i am 28 and not married. He asked me when i was going to get married and start a family. Then the last coincidence of the day was the news that Star has a blog. So when i checked it out i found the same topic there. So, i am not very superstitious at all but the reoccuring theme of the day has convinced me to talk about the idea that "everyone has something they want." This topic is something i think about quite a bit so i am going to break it down into 5 days' worth of blog....so buckle up.
We all have a want in life. Something we wish we had that would relieve the pressure we either put on ourselves or is caused by those around us. Some people want true love. That one person who will sweep them off their feet, give them the love that they themselves are able to give. That someone who can hold you at night, let out a content sigh, and you both know that "this is perfect" without even having to say a word. Some one you can share that with for the rest of your lives. Other people want a better house or car, or any other physical object that creates comfort. I, myself, want to be able to travel. I want to go to those places like Ireland and see the urine stained blarney stone. I want to sit up on a high cliff there and watch the sunset and only think of that moment. I want to go to san diego and check out the zoo, then go up the road to L.A. and hang out at Largo, a club where many talented musicians such as Geln Phillips play, as well as the occasional comedian dropping by to do some new material. I want to go to British Columbia and fish for salmon. I want to sit on the beach somewhere in the Bahamas and watch the sunrise and think only of that moment for what it is.
Does that sound selfish that i want to do those things and not even mention that i want someone by my side to share it with? I don't think so. I have spent a lot of my life single and enjoying the hobbies i have a passion for as well as the pros of bachelorhood(i love to leave the empty TP roll on the holder) but all the while i have known how important it is to love, be loved, and to have that special someone. I have always been very self sufficient and independent in the matters of the heart. I could easily enjoy all of those travel experiences alone without any regret of not having someone to share them with. But sometimes i cant help but wonder how much better it would be if someone was there with me. Someday i might meet that person.....or i may have already met them...could be the person i least expect....but if it happens it happens...if not then life goes on and it's too short to not enjoy it each day the best you can, even if it is just you alone with your own thoughts.
Well that's as brief as i can be tonight on my introduction to how i think about "what i want" tomorrow i'll address some more specific subjects, one or 2 of which are from Star's pros and cons. By the way Star good job...you've joined the dark side...welcome! Look forward to much more starryness.
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| all your march madness are belong to us |
| 03.21.04 (8:34 pm) [edit] |
First off i would like to send out my condolences to you University of Memphis fans. They are improving each year but just not quite there yet. Also condolences to my NCAA brackets. The 2nd round is killing me!! But basketball is one of my least favorite sports. I rank it right behind bowling but just slightly ahead of hockey. I watched the st. louis cardinals beat the braves today...that was sweet. Finally baseball can begin and the void of no football can be supplemented.
I can't wait to see all these good movies coming out. Dawn of the Dead and Eternal Sunshine are top of my list. I wonder what it would be like to have selected memories erased from your mind. I never saw Gigli, but if i did i wouldnt want to remember. Imagine, not having to deal with painful emotions due to bad relationships, bad days at work, the game when your team got their arse kicked, and many other "drama" moments that sometimes make our lives uncomfortable and complicated. As for those of you who know me well, i dont need such a device. I have a very efficient short term memory. i wouldn't want to remove the painful memories though. I think they serve us well by reminding us what not to do next time we are in that situation.
here's a quote from my friend kim that i thought would be nice to share:
your friends are the ones that pick you up when you fall..your best friends are the ones that laugh at you, call you an asshole and trip you again. Of course you can replace "asshole" with Dork if you're emily johnson.
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| STAL butterscotch |
| 03.19.04 (9:50 am) [edit] |
Stuff Tolerance Alert Level is at Butterscotch level today. That's not too serious but i need to keep my eye on a few things. It's lunchtime here at university towers. today's menu....small salad, no tomato, can of tuna on top...and some buttermilk ranch. yummy huh? i'm trying to stick to this self-made diet and excercise program. But the weekend is near and i can treat myself to some junk food!
I've got this nice shirt hanging in my closet. It's been there for a few weeks now. I bought it at the mall, under the supervision or Emily and Star. It's a tan, long sleeve, snap button, collared shirt. Not my normal style but it looks good. But i havent worn it yet. I need to find someplace to wear it first i suppose. I wouldnt want my fashion consultants' efforts to go in vain. And i better wear it soon, the weather is getting pretty warm here. Last night i had to leave all the windows open just to keep cool. See, my apartment's air system is on a "2 pipe system" one pipe for heat-one for AC. so in the winter the heat gets switched on and that's what we're stuck on until my landlord sees fit to switch to AC. the manager puts up these notices on each floor explaining which system is on and how it all works, and she'll leave that notice up for 4 or 5 months or until they switch to the other system...at which point she puts up the other notice and blah blah blah you get the point. i think they leave it up so long b/c there are many elderly people living here and sometimes they forget things. There used to be one little old lady who would sit in the lobby each day, in her trench coat. She would bum cigarettes off other residents until her son came at 5pm each day to bring her 10 cigarettes. She was quite petite, very quiet, and in her trench coat she was very camouflaged....like a nicotine cameleon she would startle me each time i walked by and didnt notice her..."Hello"..she would say in a deep congested tone. After my heart found it's way back down to my chest by way of my throat i would smile and say hello, how are you? Our conversations would always be the same...word for word each time. she always responded "oh i'd be doing a lot better if i had a cigarette.....my son's supposed to bring me some at 5 but i dont think i can hold out." I would always smile again and say "well, just hang in there i'm sure he'll be here soon." Poor lady, i havent seen her here since last fall though. Wherever you are, trenchcoat lady, i hope you are doing well!!
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| time flies |
| 03.18.04 (10:13 am) [edit] |
i just realized today is thursday. i've always wondered how we can so easily lose track of time. i mean, this time last week it was only tuesday afternoon! Why did last week seem to go by so slowly and this week so quickly? Einstein said time is relative. But i wonder what exactly is time? How do you define it? Would time exist without consciousness? How could you prove time exists if you are not conscious to experience it? If there were not any beings here to experience the passage of time from..this moment....to this one...would time exist? Well, one would argue that with that statement one would have to accept that a reality does exist..even if it is a vacuum of nothingness. And in this vaccum there is nothing, however according to our reality, one would say that time would pass whether something is there to experience it or not. But how would we know?
Consider dreams for a moment. It's been said that our dreams only last a few seconds. Yet we all have had dreams that go on, seemingly, all night. Our brains are on a different level of consciousness in relation to our sleep. In Plato's book "Theaetetus" a conversation between the 2 main characters occurs dealing with which reality is the true reality, dream or awake? Certainly you would agree that while we are awake we experience everything around us vividly and our senses tell us everything is real and actual. However, at night when we are asleep our dreams can be just as vivid. We have dreams in color, we can hear what's going on around us, and in some cases we can even feel and smell! And all the while your senses are telling you that THIS is real..THIS is actual. SO Plato's character asks "how are we to discern between these realities?" Both are equally convincing.
anyone have any thoughts that might add to this?
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| honey, i shrunk my career |
| 03.17.04 (7:02 pm) [edit] |
i was watching space balls the other night. what ever happened to Rick Moranis? has hollywood run out of roles for goofy looking guys with glasses? if anyone can help me out with this great mystery i'd appreciate it.
well i went to walmart again today. got behind this old lady....and yes she emptied out her purse one item at a time until she found her checkbook....by the time i got home my green bananas had turned yellow. that's why you buy them green. not for eating the next day. but to survive through the checkout process. my friend sandra mentioned in her blog about how the setup in some stores are different(sporting goods is on the left instead of right, etc) this is to confuse the out of town shopper. you walk back to where shoes should be and find yourself in the arts and crafts section. well by the time you find your way out you've found other interesting things to put in your shopping cart...thus leaving with more than you planned.
happy st. patrick's day to you all. even though it's almost over. i have always wanted to go to ireland. i think if i ever have enough money i will go check it out for a month or so. travel the countryside, go up to scotland, might do some reasearch on my family heritage,, kiss the blarney stone, you know..the usual. who's going with me?!?!
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| The Legend of David Long |
| 03.15.04 (8:44 pm) [edit] |
mmmmm i'm eating key lime pie and watching Family Guy...ironically peter griffin is sitting on his porch eating cherry pie as i type. i just got back from watching Starsky & Hutch. very good movie...laughed a lot. go see it...DO IT..DO IT.!
after watching the movie i began to think back to my high school days and if i had any friend with whom i was always around...a sidekick of sorts. the best candidate i could think of was one David Long. David was about my age yet for some reason unknown to me why he was a couple grades behind. i think it was due to his lack of attendance, laziness, and lack of,..well....intelligence? i mean out of school he could function normally...just didnt have the book smarts! i could write an entire week about David and my adventures but tonight i will only talk about one particular memory that stands out in my head as very funny. first off...david began smoking when he was 7. he never could pronounce "chocolate"; in kindetgarten he would always try to steal kids' "shah-clit meelk". if davy crockett ever had a greasy cousin, it was david. well, some of you may remember the great ice storm of umm...1993...or was it 94?...which year did Tombstone come out?...Greg..if you're reading help me out. well school in waverly was out for about 2 weeks so david and i along with a few other buddies decided to drive out to my grandparents' farm to do some rabbit hunting. we were quite a ways out in the country next to an old country road when a small car passed by, the contents of which were 6 nuns....decked out in their holy attire. now, david, being of small town heritage, never having contact with the catholic world, nor having ever watched The Sound of Music, raised an eyebrow and gave me the most sinister....sincere....horniest glance. and he said, in the most sly tone "was any of them women?" (try to imagine jack nicholson's evil face peeking through the door in the movie The Shining...except with greasier hair and a cigarette. Why, yes David, i think all 6 of them was women."...i said. at which time david responded "i've always wanted to do one of them in their buggy." i think he was thinking of the Amish.. but like i said..he wasnt quite right upstairs. boy's cheese done slid of his cracker!
this is the guy who smoked while we played football. not between plays when the rest of us were sucking air with hands on our hips...im talking DURING the play...malboro or chesterfield unfiltered in hand...burning you with the cherry in order to slow you down and tackle you.
well that' s it for now. im glad to see the comments. hope you guys are enjoying my rants so far. also glad to see that tblog is feeling better. i think it had the flu oiver the weekend..that or it was out all night at the same party my friend tony was at....see floaty blog for more on that!
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| weekend is here! |
| 03.12.04 (5:57 pm) [edit] |
first off i'd like to thank tony for listing my blog along with his other great blog friends..one of which i have added tonight, Jeanigans! the other is my friend Sandra(tngirl6599). check em both out.
well here i am back at the ole home place in new johnsonville, tn. spending some time with the folks and my cousin brian. went out on the lake this morning. man it felt good to be out again and come home with a windburned red face. i'm going back out tomorrow morning too. the bad thing about coming up here for the weekend is there isn't anything to do at night. the local theater in waverly only has one movie and it's usually pg or less and not worth going to see. so it's just me and the remote tonight. and mom's evil cat, cosette. she isnt really a cat, she's pure evil! in her world i am only her friend when i have food, otherwise, hands off buddy!
have a great weekend everyone. see ya!
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| walmart metaphysics and enzyte bob |
| 03.10.04 (8:43 pm) [edit] |
well the world is coming to an end. i just saw the nascar enzyte commercial. with that tall geeky guy with a perky smile on his face. he reminds me of a perverted Bill Nye the Science Guy. so now we have viagra and enzyte....what's next?...Cialis? i can see it now....here they come folks sticking it out in fisrt place...the viagra team...followed close behind, ....team enzyte...and bringing up the rear...the cialis bathtub! yeh bubba i think the pit crew for enzyte said they're having problems keeping up around the curves"...
went to walmart today, and i have come to the conclusion that once you step inside that building the laws of physics and normal philosophy cease to exist and new ones take their place. for example...in the walmart dimension the laws of grammar are slightly different...in the express lanes no one is to bring more than 20 items and the sign above the clerk says "20 items or less"..LESS?...shouldnt it be "or fewer"?...no this is walmart.....next thing...in our world the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line....thus one would think the shorter the line the quicker the checkout experience..right?...no..you fool! this is walmart! there are many more details to consider when choosing your checkout line. 1.) is there an elderly woman in line? if yes, be prepared to wait at least 2 more minutes for her to find her checkbook, write the check, then double check the cashier's total, then dispute the total, make the cashier call her customer service rep to confirm that the price was correct the first time....then elderly woman loses her pen....avoid this line at all costs.
2.) you see a line on the side of the store you parked...you think it is easier to go there..well so does everyone else who is from your universe...thus gridlock begins~...try the middle checkout lines....as long as it's not the automated ones...that's a whole other story "rite thur".
3.) do not check out groceries in automotive or shoes....nuff said
the checkout cashier has only one superhero ability. and that is to say to you "sir/ma'am this line is closed." it does not matter that you've been standing there behind the old woman for 9 minutes holding a gallon of milk and some ink pens and have been staring forward with a blank look or reading the tabloids....hmmm enzyte cures baldness says alien goat boy"....
anyways..it doesnt matter...the line is closed sir....i have to change out" *she says with a smug air of superiority"
however some cashiers can be fooled with. my buddy once told me he actually convinced a cashier to do a price check on the "product seperating bar". she picked it up..asked him if it was his...he said yes..it wouldnt scan..."i need a CSM to register 5 please",,,,
but you know what? i love walmart. i cant walk in without forgetting something i came for. another side effect of traveling between dimensions. so i have to go back tomorrow...why? because i can!....because i can/could has become a great inspiration to me thanks to the floatyman blogger. i am thinking about asking him to co-write a book based on the philosophy of" because i could" and wal mart logic.....any suggestions on a name?
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| hypo what? |
| 03.09.04 (10:44 pm) [edit] |
hypolimnetic is a term that deals with a deep layer of a body of water such as a lake or large pond. one of the very few pieces of knowledge that i have retained from my college major. i made a mistake last night in my description of str8 plan for the gay man. if more than 1 person picks the gay guy out of the group then the mission fails...not the other way around. Ok now that all that is cleared up on to new business:
tuesday nights are trivia nights for me and some friends. we have been sucking badly lately though. there are 4 or 5 of us each week and each of us has our own special area of knowledge. star and emily are musical geniuses, nathan has tremendous political history and airport knowledge, greg(when he shows up!) has great movie knowledge, and i...well i fill in with a lot of random stuff.
but tonight i felt a bit down and sluggish. i think i'm going home this weekend to do some fishing with my cousin. sometimes going back home and going out on the lake helps me relax and get a lot of the stressful things off my mind.
oh, stuff tolerance alert level is down to beige now. i say beige because that is the color of my carpet...which i can see now.
for those of you who havent checked out my links yet. give it a try. floaty-man is a good place to go and relax and enjoy some fine animation, artwork, and fan art!! cinemapprentice is also full of insightful movie information and a great blogger, greg. wassup greg!
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| TOLERANCE ALERT LEVEL RAISED TO MAGENTA! |
| 03.08.04 (7:26 pm) [edit] |
9pm monday 3/8:
ok it got pretty nasty in here. have you ever had trash or clutter just jump you from behind? i should have known something was up when i heard the diet Dr pepper go flat when i turned my back. i have a really nice oak table in the corner of my living room near my little kitchen area. about once or twice a month i clean it down to where i can actually see wood. but somehow things..."stuff" builds up and i dont know where to put it! arrghh...it's a neverending cycle.
but now im eating a banana and watching this new show on comedy central called "straight plan for the gay man." i'm sure there is a good subconscious joke to be made there but let's move on to why this show is cool. each week this team of straight guys try to "train" a gay guy to behave, dress, talk, and decorate like a straight man. then they take him out to a certain event to see if he can pull it off. afterwards they interview the people at the event who met said gay fellow and ask them which of the guys did they think could be gay? if no more than one of 3 choose one of the straight guys then he passes. so far so good...all subjects have passed.
i went for a walk yesterday around the neighborhood here in midtown memphis. i brought along my little cd player and listened to my new Bela Bartok cd's. if you havent heard of him here he is in a nut shell. bela was an early 20th centurty classical composer from hungary. he used folk music from his native country and mixed it with comtemporary classical styles to create a very unique sound. i can best describe it by the impression it gave me. do you remember those old sesame street scenes where it would show kids playing in the park or doing a certain task such as tying shoes or raking leaves...and there would be some playful classical type music in the background? well take that impression and combine it with the feeling of walking along a park trail in the spring on a brisk sunny afternoon and watching the robins hop about tilting their heads looking for those red wigglers waking from a long winter's nap. it's kinda like that. he's sorta like a hungarian version of aaron copeland. why in the world did i ever choose to spend money on bela? well as most of my friends know i am a big nickel creek fan. and recently i have tried to listen to some of the artists who influenced them over the last few years. they are a greatly talented group and i can see where bela has given them some insight. also another good artist/influence/and good friend of theirs is Glen Phillips..former lead singer of toad the wet sprocket. but more on him tomorrow.
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| intro and "stuff" |
| 03.08.04 (9:56 am) [edit] |
Over the last few months I have read several friends' blogs and began to wonder if I should create one for myself. When one makes such a decision, one must first decide whether his/her thoughts are interesting enough that one's friends would want to read them. another thing to consider is how to relay one's thoughts without coming off arrogant, pious, or self centered. I believe I can vouche for the 2nd consideration. Most of my thoughts I would share will be mostly humorous in nature or nature related. And I always do my best to assume a selfless attitude toward friends and strangers too so I guess that means I just talked myself into doing this.
So, where do I start? It's already march and the weather is beginning to make a turn for the better. Although the entire winter, im my opinion, has really sucked due to mild temps and lack of snow. I have not been home since the 26th of january. February 1st my truck broke down on me....well, not on me..on Star and MLE. I still am sorry for you both having to suffer that embarassment and trouble. Then my back pain kept me out of the gym, the office, and anywhere else I really wanted to go. Being an outdoors guy this is the most depressing and frustrating time of year. i dont know who created the current calender system we use today but i sure am glad they made feb. the shortest month of the year. im sure it was some man who lived near a frozen lake and had a serious case of cabin fever, like myself.
It's a nice brisk day today. I can't make up my mind if i should go out and enjoy it or just stay inside and clean up some stuff. One of the advantages of living alone is you can afford to let some "stuff" accumulate and maintain a high level of "stuff tolerance" Right now i am maintaining a level "orange" stuff tolerance alert status...that means action must be taken soon to ensure free navigation thru my apartment so i may live a normal life of freedom and whatnot. ok, that' s all i can think of for now. hope this goes well..i promise to have much more important thoughts..or funnier in the future.
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