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What's a Quota?....'Bout 25 Cents...
01.28.05 (2:38 pm)   [edit]


 
test
01.27.05 (10:32 pm)   [edit]
 
Sometimes You Feel Like a Norwegian Candy Bar
01.27.05 (8:49 pm)   [edit]


That might only mean something to those who know my email addresses or chat names. But THIS is not my inspiration for it...but it's cool.


Today was Lewis Carroll's birthday. I've always loved his Alice's Adventures stories as well as The Hunting of the Snark.



This has been my wallpaper for quite some time


 


And here's a drawing of Tom Petty doing one of his classic videos


....."I've given up, STOP! "Don't Come Around Here No More"


 


I came across a website the other night from my old hometown of Paris, Tn. This guy, sort of a jack of all trades and reserve police officer, updates it daily with the arrest reports and the city and county law enforcement calls made by the local citizens. A few of my favorite stories are:


1.)


Jennifer Edwards, age 35, of 821 Old McKenzie Highway, is facing a number of charges following a traffic stop by the Paris Police on Thursday night.


Patrolman Jason Mounts attempted to stop Ms. Edwards on Memorial Drive after she crossed the centerline several times. Ms. Edwards turned into McClains Trailer Park driving around and thru the park several times before continuing out toward 218 Bypass. At JB's Express Mart she drove through the parking lot at a high rate of speed with several bystanders watching.


On 218 heading toward 641South, Patrolman Mounts and Patrolman Mike Ramos were able to box in the vehicle making it stop. Mounts opened the driver's door of the car to find Ms. Edwards trying to light a crack pipe in her had. Then Ms. Edwards slammed the car in reverse pinning Mounts in the door. 


Patrolman Ramos then shot out the front tires of her car while Mounts got unpinned and shot out the rear drivers tire. A chemical weapon had to be used on Ms. Edwards in the struggle that followed as Mounts removed her from the car and placed her under arrest. Ms. Edwards did manage to cut her face on the crack pipe which she continued to hold in her hand.


2.) A seventy-two year old woman was injured on India Road after she drove her car into a ditch. Uninjured from the sudden stop, she received a cut to her head when she walked into the back of a UPS truck that was passing by at a very slow rate of speed.


 


3.) Patrolman Bill Bussey charged Kyle Douglas Grissom with simple possession early Monday morning. A citizen had reported that a man was slumped over the steering wheel of a car on Clifty Street. A marijuana roach was found in the ashtray. During questioning Grissom said he did not have any marijuana having smoked all that he had.


 


4.) A twelve year old lady is in trouble with her mom. The mom called for the Paris Police after she found a boy hiding in a closet. Later in the morning she found another boy under the girls bed. He said he was kind of stuck there because the door to the home was deadbolted and he could not escape after the first boy was found.


 


and finally.... Several Henry County citizens woke up on this cold Monday morning to Sheriff's Deputies knocking on their doors with arrest warrants. 


Just after sunrise about a dozen deputies and a handful of city policeman launched the first drug roundup of the year that resulted from an undercover drug operation last October.


The deputies, armed with packets containing arrest warrants, photos, and other information, divided into teams that went to the various predetermined addresses.


Some of the arrested, eyes squinting in the bright sunlight, wearing their sleeping clothes, complained about the cold, and their arrests, while being loaded for transport to the Henry County Correctional Facility.


On the way to the jail one man said, "Man, this ain't me. Must be someone else. I just got out of jail last week!"


Another comforted a "first timer" also riding in the back seat of the car saying, "Oh, it's alright. I did this last year, we'll be out of the jail in a little while."


 


Happy Birthday Lewis Carroll...and Happy Unbirthday to everyone else!
 
Ethical Ellis Part Deux
01.26.05 (11:51 am)   [edit]
We last left our hero (or suspect if you will) on the wrong side of the Law. How was I going to break this to my parents? It's a small town and when things like this go down the gossip spreads quicker than Britney Spears's first marriage. By the time I had everything settled back at my dorm room I was already stressed more than ever before. I don't think I had ever been so stressed and frightened since that time I was about 5 years old and got stuck in the mud in my grandparents' garden. I was out there for an hour screaming for help but no one ever came to help me. Or maybe it was the time during my high school freshman year when some friends and I got busted in a test cheat sheet racket. But that's another story for another time. As I was reliving those past scary moments the phone rang. It was my dad. He was asking if I got back to school safely and making small talk. I had this deep down feeling in my gut that he already knew what happened and was just waiting for me to admit it. The longer we talked the more and more I felt like I was living The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe "TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How then am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story." "Dad, I got into a little trouble this morning before I left." (Yeah, I hadn't chopped up someone and buried them under the floor but for drama's sake just humor me).....turns out he hadn't heard about it yet so I spilled the beans. He said he was very disappointed in me and that I would have to get a job to pay the fine. J-J-J-JOB?!?!? So much for focusing on just my classes!


So I told you ALL of that to tell you THIS: I got a part time job at the local Dairy Queen
as a Culinary Artist. Ok, I flipped mini-burgers and burned french fries. I hated the job. HATED? No....Loathed...Resented....I got so sick of fast food that I went on a strict diet and lost nearly 20 pounds that spring. I managed most of my classes. I think I failed whatever math I was taking, but that was true for most math classes during my college career. But that one wrong decision I made that January morning had a much deeper and longer lasting effect on my life and who I am today. I promised myself I would never go back to THAT kind of job again. I was miserable everyday there. To this day Dairy Queen is still the topic of many jokes about me with a few of my old friends. During my short Christmas vacation this winter my brother and I drove by that place where it all happened. It was the first time I remember going by there in 10 years. I looked down into the woods and the creek and wondered if my decoys were still out there somewhere....waiting for me to return. I couldn't believe it had been 10 years but I could still feel how cold my feet were......I was wearing 2 left boots!!!!! It's funny now when I tell people about it, but I still regret being so stupid.

William O'Rourke once said "Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so its power seldom influences events when it could do some good."

In other words; "Regret is always a day late and a dollar short"
 
And Then There Were 5
01.20.05 (1:32 pm)   [edit]
One of my evil trivia teammates is leaving for bigger and better things. Brian participated in his last tuesday night trivia game this week with us. We didn't win or place in the $$ but we had a great time. We'll miss his contributions to the team. It will be hard to fill his chair. But we're taking auditions soon. So sned your resumes.

Have fun on your trip to Venezuela, Brian! And good luck in Chicago!
Evil Petting Zoo Rulez!
 
Ethical Ellis: Part 1
01.19.05 (8:24 am)   [edit]
I promised I would tell you about my personal anniversary this week. It not something I am quite proud of nor would I ever encourage anyone to follow in my footsteps. But it is something that even to this day my closest hunting buddies still bring up when they feel like having a good laugh at my expense. This story is probably not going to be as enjoyable for many of my friends outside of the hunting world but if you had known me 10 years ago you would get some kind amusement out of it I’m sure. It’ll be a 2 part blog entry since I tend to get long winded every time I tell this story.

The year was 1995. The month was January. The date, at the moment, I’m not able to precisely recall. I will have to go back and find my hunting journal and figure it out but I am certain of the fact that it was the day I was supposed to check back in at Austin Peay Dorm at UT Martin to begin the Spring 95 semester. The pervious evening I had most of my things packed and wasn’t really sure if I would have time to go hunting the next morning. We hadn’t been doing too well at our usual hunting spot and I really needed to sleep in one last time before the dreaded 8am classes and late night library term paper sessions began again. I was a freshman and the new freedom of being away from home and not having my mother force me out of bed each morning to go to class was enough temptation as I could handle. “One more chance to sleep as late as I wanted” was all that was on my mind that eve. Then the phone rang. It was my friend Jamie Patterson. Jamie and I had been great friends ever since I moved to New Johnsonville in 1987 when I entered the 6th grade. When we were freshmen in high school we took Spanish 1 together and did a fishing show skit on video for a special assignment. “El grande pez!” Mucho grande pez, si!” You see, a lot of fishing show hosts only need to know a few lines of dialogue. “Nice one”, “big fish!” “Oh man did you see that?!”, and “Ok, here is a perfect opportunity to show you how to remove a treble hook from your thumb.” I think we got an A for the project and to this day I am told Mrs. Boston still uses our tape as an example of how to come up with a creative Spanish skit. Jamie and I had a lot of fun and interesting hunting and fishing trips. Some would make good stories for another time but I’m digressing. Needless to say when Jamie calls you know it’s not just going to be an ordinary day outdoors. He told me he was thinking about sneaking down to the Refuge to go duck hunting the next morning. He wanted to go to this open marsh area where we had gone a few weeks before and killed a few ducks. It was back behind a guy’s house who was close friends to his family and the guy didn’t mind us sneaking back there as long as we didn’t park in his driveway. I agreed that would be a good place to go and we made plans for me to pick him up the next morning at 8am. Sweet! I would get to sleep in at least a little longer! I normally had to get up at 4:30 to get to the normal spot. Our plan was to sneak in, set up, kill a few, and get out quickly. We’d done it before….no problem right?

Well I pull into his driveway at 8am sharp. Dressed to kill. I’ve got my hip waders on, my thick hunting coat (it had been very cold lately, in the single digits), got my duck calls, my gun, and every pocket full of shells. I even brought a couple decoys to throw out just for luck. Jamie took his time trying to find all his gear. He couldn’t find his waders so I offered to loan him my brother Drew’s. They were just his size too. Just as we pulled out of the driveway Jamie mumbles “oh great”. I looked back to see my friend Chris Patterson driving up. I can’t remember if he and Jamie are related as there are several Pattersons in the rural communities there and some were not related. But I hope for Jamie’s sake he wasn’t a cousin. Chris was a year older than us. He stood about 6’4 and every inch of it country as hell. He was always wanting to tag along on our hunting trips. Most of the time he invited himself along….this time was no different. So we went over to his house so he could get his things and we all squeezed ourselves into my 1989 Isuzu 4 wheel drive pickup truck. Pretty tight fight! Since we couldn’t park in the driveway belonging to the man whose property joined the Refuge, we parked across the street at the end of another man’s driveway. He also knew Jamie and Chris’s families very well and I was fairly confident he remembered me as his frequent pizza delivery boy of the previous year. I mean who doesn’t remember the pizza boy, right?! “Don’t you think this is kind of conspicuous just parking right here in plain sight”? I asked. Jamie agreed and Chris came up with a brilliant idea! “Hay, why don’t ewe opun yur hood and prop eet up lahk yoov gawt veehikle truble and no one will suspect anythang.” “Yeh! That’ll work!” I thought. Problem solved…..so off we go running across the road and down into the bottomland timber (insert Peter and the Wolf theme music here http://library.thinkquest.org... ). A few minutes into the walk I decided I shouldn’t carry the decoys anymore. So I drop them into the creek and figure I’ll pick them up on our way back to the truck. It’ll be easier to carry all the ducks back anyhow right? As soon as we step through the edge of the woods and into the marsh thousands of ducks get up at once. It sounded like distant thunder or a loud army helicopter passing by in the background. Sweet! “Let’s get set up and wait for them to come back.” I guess we had been there about 15 minutes or so before the first ducks had begun fluttering back in. We hadn’t fired a shot yet and had decided it would be better if we each took turns shooting once or twice as not to arouse the suspicions of any game wardens in the area. As I mentioned the weather had been bitterly cold recently and most of the creeks and ponds had frozen over with about 2 inches of ice. Tree limbs would occasionally crack and break off under the added weight of all the ice. All of a sudden we heard some ice break across the marsh in a tree line area that had a creek running through it. Jamie and Chris were behind me and I was sitting at the point of a row of thick bushes. I squinted to see through the trees to see what made the noise in the tree line. I made out the forms of 3 men stalking in and out of the tangled trees. “Damn it’s the FEDS!” I thought to myself. As I turned around to whisper that thought to Jamie and Chris all I could see were 2 pairs of boots stuck in the mud with no persons standing in them. I looked up to see their backs…..and as the old country saying goes “All I saw was assholes and elbows!” Well, I’m no dummy (yeah right Matt, you’re illegally hunting on a federal refuge AND Chris Patterson is with you) so I take off running too. My feet get stuck in the mud and I run out of my waders also. Now I can’t leave any evidence behind can I? So I run back, grab all 3 pairs of boots and take off in the direction they had gone. Running through shin deep icy water in wool socks is NOT how I imagined my last day of freedom. I catch up with them at the edge of a slough covered with ice at the boundary of the refuge. Across the slough is a small woodland hill with an old family cemetery dating back to the civil war days. I quickly throw Jamie and Chris a pair of boots and we proceed to wade across the waste deep water with only socks on! The waders were only slowing us down filled with ice cold water. We get to the other side and they decide to go around the hill and up the hollow to a friend’s property where they would hide their guns and lay low for about an hour. I decided to take the high road and walk up to the cemetery and lay out there for a while to catch my breath. I have never been this cold before. My feet are numb, my socks are frozen solid, as are my pants and coat. This is not good.

An hour later after my heart had climbed down from my throat and into my chest I was able to walk down the hill onto the road. I crossed the road and hopped a barbwire fence onto the property belonging to the man whose driveway we parked. As I am putting on my boots I hear some guys whispering up the road a little. It’s Chis and Jamie and they’re walking down the road barefoot in their under clothes. Jeans and sweatshirts. I yell out in a deep authoritative voice “HOLD IT THERE BOYS, FEDERAL AGENT!” Hehe….it was funny to see their expression when I stepped up on the road. We walked up the road to my truck and put the hood back down. I locked my gun in the tool box and was about to unlock the door and get the hell out of there when a man across the road yelled out “Excuse me gentlemen, can I have a word with you?” Ohhhhhhh crap! It’s Wilfred Brimley! You know?....the Quaker Oats guy..the guy from the movie Cocoon. Well that’s who he looked like to me. A short, squaty man with a thick bushy mustache and beard and thick northern accent. Quaker Oats….it’s the right thing to do. “You fellas been huntin?” he asked. Before I could gather my thoughts Chris spoke up. By now you’ve probably realized Chris isn’t the most intellectual braintrust of this trio and he did a good job of proving it. “We’ve been lookin fer one of mah coon dawgs I lost last night.” “He ran off after some deer and we couldn’t find em so I called mah buddies this mornin to help me look for him.” The warden looked at me, still dressed in duck hunting clothes, and made the observation that I looked like I had been duck hunting. I told him I had just got back to the house from a hunting trip when Chris called me to come help him look for the dog. About that time I realized I had been wearing 2 left boots. I’m not sure if the warden saw that but it explained why I had so much trouble walking. I just thought it was because my legs were frozen and my feet had fallen off. This wasn’t looking good. It got worse when a jeep Cherokee full of federal wardens pulled into the driveway a few minutes later. The top man over the Refuge management knew me personally and knew my dad fairly well also. He took me aside and asked me what was really going on. He told me the gentleman who owned the property where we had parked called them and told them he saw 3 strangers sneaking down to the refuge….fitting our description. (so much for the beloved pizza boy theory). He also told me that if we didn’t confess he would have to confiscate my gun AND my vehicle and take us to the county jail until we made bail. Well that just wasn’t going to go over well with my college plans…OR my parents so I told him the truth. They decided to just confiscate our guns and write us a ticket for hunting on federal land. It would be a misdemeanor on our record and we could come reclaim our guns after we had paid our fines.This was particularly a setback for me since I was majoring in wildlife biology and looking at a possible future in wildlife law enforcement. Of course Chris and Jamie had to lead them into the woods to find their guns and they received higher fines for not having their guns properly plugged (rigged to hold only 3 shells) and for possessing lead shot (lead shot was made illegal across the U.S. for reasons of being toxic to waterfowl when ingested). So Jamie got a $300 fine and Chirs got $350….I got away with only $250. They didn’t bother to check my gun since it was there at the truck. Of course, being the good law abiding young man that I was even when I WAS breaking the law I was still legal. Hence the soon to be given nickname that I bear even to this day by some of my old friends back home……”Ethical Ellis”.

That’s enough for this post. Stay tuned there’s more to this story than just a nickname.
 
Pass the Tissues
01.16.05 (7:21 pm)   [edit]
And the award goes to........a bunch of hoes.
I've been sick this weekend. Coughing so much I felt like Doc Holliday in Tombstone....I'm a LUNGER!!!

But I'm a little pissed tonight because I was watching the Golden Globe Awards. Leonardo DeCaprio won for, I think, best actor for the movie The Aviator. I've never liked him, except when he was in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. And that's only because he played a "tard".

The other thing that pissed me off was the ABC show Desperate Housewives http://abc.go.com/primetime/d... won a few awards. It's sad to know that our society glamourizes such a show that exhibits immoral, lying, adultering, hateful women. THAT'S entertainment these days? sigh.....but I guess I can't throw the first stone. I'm no saint.

But isn't it just sad?

In an earlier blog I talked about why so many songs were about Love. A friend and I got into a discussion about it the other night and she brought up a few songs but I showed her how each of them were about the Love for someting or someone.

Can you think of a song that isn't about the love for something?

Tuesday will mark a personal anniversary for me. I hope to have a good story for it.
 
Oodalalee!
01.13.05 (5:49 am)   [edit]
Tonight I will have the pleasure to enjoy the great talented Edgar Meyer and Chris Thile perform together. Edgar Meyer, http://www.edgarmeyer.com/ , is one of the world's best virtuoso bassists. And Chris Thile, mandolinist of Nickel Creek, is equivalent in his mandolin skills. This should be awesome.

It's a wonderful day in memphis. Overcast and rainy. The rain has let up right now, 9:50am, and it's not too windy. I love this kind of day. I don't care what you fair weather city folk say! Winter is supposed to be cold and gray and dreary! Not warm, 72 degrees and sunny! At least not here in Tennessee. Winter is supposed to be cold....Winter is supposed to be Winter!..not Spring. Spring is supposed to be Spring! This isn't Springtime, mmkay? This isn't Fall and this isn't Summer. To everything....turn turn turn; there is a season turn turn turn....a time to love and a time to hate.....TO HATE MOTHER NATURE! Mother nature better pull herself together and give me some snow! Momma, turn this season on bitch!
 
White Pretzel Noise
01.10.05 (8:01 pm)   [edit]

MMMMMMMMMMMMMM!


I went to see the movie White Noise tonight. It's about a man who records his wife and others who have passed away on vhs and audio tape.


It's called EVP. Electronic Voice Phenomena. I have never believed in the existence of ghosts or spirits of people who have passed away. I checked some websites out tonight that had sample clips of EVP. One of which I have heard about on the late night AM talk show Coast-to-Coast. I must say if you listen closely some of the sample clips are very realistic....but until I see a spook I ain't buying it. Speaking of passing away, my parents' cat, Cosette, died last weekend. She was 6....or 7? She was always mean to me. Never let me pet her for more than a few seconds. She would always bite and scratch my hands till they bled. She got into a fight with another cat and fell ill with a bad infection. Oh well, maybe she'll contact me somehow beyond the litterbox?


 


Oh, after the movie I stopped and got some white pretzels...you know..the yogurt dipped kind.
 
S.O.S....Just A New Box
01.06.05 (3:20 pm)   [edit]

Today is the birthday of 2 men who both knew a little something about human nature and being original. Carl Sandburg once said "One of the greatest necessities in America is to discover creative solitude."


He also said "Nothing happens unless first we dream."


But the poet Khalil Gibran once wrote "Should we all confess our sins to one another we would all laugh at one another for our lack of originality."


I think the same could be said about our daydreams and many of our creative wonders. Like I said previously, I've always wanted to have creative and original entries and sometimes I suppose I do. Last night I asked one of my friends why so many songs are about love? She said she had a blog about that last year......DANG!....so much for writing about that. But why are SO many songs about love? My friend said because they (the musicians) are crap. I think she means they decided to take the lyrical &nb sp;low road and go along with the status quo. Is there anything wrong with singing about love? Certainly not. What more important thing is there on Earth than that!? But it's been done before. It's not original. We've all had some kind of emotional let down with a relationship, or crush, or whatever you want to call it. It took me a few minutes to come up with a song that isn't about love. The first one that came to me was Peaches by The Presidents of the United States of America. Ok, technically i guess you could say it's about the love of peaches but let's not get pitty..i mean picky. Then I thought about an old bluegrass song sung by Granpa Jones (ever seen hee Haw?). It's called Mountain Dew....that's hillbilly slang for moonshine. But there again one could say it's about the love of moonshine.


"Singin' in the Rain"?..nope...Love for being out in wet climatic conditions....speaking of climate...the predicted high for next tuesday is supposed to be 72. I think Mother Nature is going through climatic menopause.


So we sing about love, attempt to relay our jaded, depressed, joyful, lustful emotions, everyone accepts the reality that humans sing about love for those reasons, and we buy the cd's and go on with life thinking Pearl Jam was the first to do Last Kiss....what else isn't original?


Have you ever looked at a scene in a holiday geetings card, or birthday card, or a drawing in a childrens' book and wondered what if that was a reality? What if I could step into that picture and walk to the edge of the card then take one more step? What all exists just beyond what you can see? If you've ever read Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking GLass Alice is able to walk into and through a mirror into the reflected reality. I've sometimes wondered what those characters would be like in drawings if they were in a true reality. Would they have a full range of emotions other than that happy smile on their face? Or would they have a broad vocabulary and intelligence? Do they live somewhere...in a house....are there wal marts there? Are the lines at their wal marts as long as they are here? What else is there to do there? Could I step through and be enveloped by a warm, comfortable feeling of knowing everything is perfect and safe; with no worries, no bills, no evil?....no tuesday night trivia? Mary Poppins walked around in a chalk painting and went on a fox hunt....VIEW HALOO!!!!


Well, that's not original thought. But that doesn't stop me from daydreaming sometimes when I see the cover of a Dr. Seuss book or walk down the aisle of the Hallmark store at the mall. Perhaps there's an answer. I do it even though I am certain others do too; and I don't mind because it's still fun. What if we did all sit together and share our daydreams and wondering thoughts? We'd probably all laugh and agree how silly we are and how much we lack originality......but we wouldn't change a thing........it's good to dream....if we didn't nothing would ever happen.


My friend Carla Jean said one other thing....."Nothing is new under the sun" Yeah, it's all been done...it's all been done...it's all been donnnnnnne beforrrrrrrre.....aren't those lyrics to a Bare Naked Ladies song?....DANG!! that's not original either.
 
Auld Lang Glock
01.01.05 (8:15 am)   [edit]

Thomas Mann, winner of the 1929 Nobel Laureate in Literature once said about the new year's celebration:


 "Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunderstorm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols."


hehe....judging by that last sentence and what I heard last night he must have been a memphis native.